Power networkers secrets to relationship building

My day job’s role is essentially to be “the person who knows a person”, but I’m actually super introverted so getting myself to a point of being the person who knows a person has been a bit of a long road for me. I want to share some of the ‘secrets’ that helped me the most in this journey.

Firstly, have a system. Of course I’m going to tout Conectar here, but if you plan to build a lot of relationships, especially if the people you’re building those with have different backgrounds, you’re going to want some place to store away and track these relationships. I started with a spreadsheet that had had a separate sheet for every relationship I was building containing tasks for those relationships. I then moved into using a task management software where I had a ton of “tasks” where every task was a person that I could use to keep track of that relationship. Ultimately I landed on building my own software, Conectar, to keep track of all of my developing relationships.

Secondly, be human. This sounds pretty obvious but it’s somewhat shocking to me how often I meet people who are very clearly putting up a front or trying to fit a certain bill when I’m speaking with them. People recognize, and tend to appreciate, authenticity. Don’t be afraid to ask “How are you?” but actually mean that question, and let the other individual share what’s going on in life beyond just the “value they’re creating for their organization”. We’re all people running around on a big rock, afterall, so let’s treat each other like people!

Third, never hand someone an iced coffee. A study showed that handing someone an iced coffee before a meeting led to that person feeling that the person they met with was perceived as a “colder” personality. On the other hand, handing someone a hot coffee before a meeting leads people to think the person they met has a “warmer” personality. All joking aside, this is an example of priming, which basically means the smallest cues and actions early in a relationship can set up long lasting perceptions. That said, when you meet with people it’s important to do little things that set up a positive perception early- give a polite comment, smile, call back to something mentioned the last time you spoke, or hand them a warm coffee!

These are just some random little things that I’ve found have been helpful during relationship development for me. Feel free to share if any of this was helpful for you!